Whether your child is just learning to run or playing in a competitive game, the words you say shape their experience. Encouragement can fuel their confidence, help them navigate challenges, and most importantly, keep movement fun.
But not all praise is created equal — some words build resilience, while others unintentionally add pressure.
So, what should we say?
Children need to know that their hard work matters, regardless of the outcome. Research shows that kids who receive praise for effort, rather than talent, are more likely to persist in challenging tasks and reported higher levels of enjoyment in sport.1
What to say:
✅ “I love how you kept trying!” (Encourages perseverance.)
✅ “Wow, you worked so hard. Did you notice how much better you got?” (Reinforces self-improvement.)
✅ “That looked tough, but you didn’t give up!” (Builds resilience.)
🚫What to avoid: “You’re so talented!” (Focusing only on natural ability can make kids afraid to take on challenges where they might fail.)
Many kids hesitate to try new skills because they fear failure. A 2020 study found that children who feel safe to experiment and fail are more likely to stay engaged in sport long-term.2
What to say:
✅ “It’s okay if you don’t get it yet — every expert started as a beginner!” (Normalizes struggle as part of learning.)
✅ “Let’s try it together!” (Eases anxiety by showing support.)
✅ “I love how you figured out a new way to do that!” (Encourages creativity in movement.)
🚫What to avoid: “It’s easy, just do it!” (Minimises their struggles and makes them feel bad for not getting it immediately.)
3. Words that turn mistakes into learning moments
Every child will experience failure, frustration, and self-doubt in sport. How parents respond to mistakes determines whether kids develop a growth mindset or fear failure.
What to say:
✅ “Mistakes help you learn. What would you do differently next time?” (Teaches problem-solving.)
✅ “I saw how you shook that off and kept going — that’s what makes a great player!” (Reinforces resilience.)
✅ “Even top athletes make mistakes! What’s one thing you can work on for next time?” (Normalises setbacks and promotes improvement.)
🚫What to avoid: “Why did you do that?” (Can feel like blame, even if unintended.)
Some kids thrive on competition, while others feel overwhelmed by pressure — especially if they believe their worth is tied to performance. The best way to keep movement enjoyable is to remind them that fun is the priority.
What to say:
✅ “I love watching you play!” (Shows unconditional support.)
✅ “What was the most fun part today?” (Shifts focus away from performance.)
✅ “Win or lose, I’m proud of how hard you played!” (Encourages intrinsic motivation.)
🚫What to avoid: “You have to win!” (Can cause anxiety and reduce enjoyment.)
Competitive sport can bring both triumphs and disappointments. Helping kids manage emotions in sport prepares them for life challenges, too.
What to say:
✅ “It’s okay to feel frustrated. That just means you care. What’s something you learned today?” (Validates emotions while shifting focus to growth.)
✅ “You gave your best today, and that’s what counts.” (Encourages self-worth beyond results.)
✅ “Your team is lucky to have you!” (Reinforces value beyond individual performance.)
🚫What to avoid: “You should have done better.” (Even well-meaning critiques can feel like disappointment.)
Long after the game is over, kids won’t remember every piece of advice we gave — but they will remember how we made them feel.
Our words can either build their confidence or add pressure. By choosing positive, growth-oriented language, we help them develop a love for movement that lasts far beyond childhood. No matter their age, the best things we can say are:
❤️ “I love watching you play.”
💪 “I’m proud of your effort.”
😊 “Did you have fun? Let’s do it again!”
Sources:
1 "Parent Praise to Toddlers Predicts Fourth Grade Academic Achievement via Children’s Incremental Mindsets." Gunderson, E. A., et al. (2018).
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fdev0000539
2 "What Can Be Learned From Growth Mindset Controversies?" Yeager, D. S., & Dweck, C. S. (2020). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/348018543_What_Can_Be_Learned_From_Growth_Mindset_Controversies